Yesterday, I learned that friends of ours who married 2 weeks before we did are splitting up because he “decided he didn’t want to be married anymore.”
Add this onto 3 other marriages around us that have been rocked by infidelity within the past 6 months.
What a load of crap. I’m sorry if that word offends you, but the whole business of “shaking off” a spouse like you would a nasty cold offends me.
I’m tired of women who belittle their husbands — sometimes to their faces — and can’t understand why their guys don’t want to listen anymore.
I’m tired of Daddies deciding that their own freedom and happiness are more important than their children’s well being.
I’m tired of Mommies, who’ve already walked their children down the painful road of divorce, saying they “deserve” a new relationship and need something for themselves at the expense of their children’s security.
I’m sick of men who decide that 2 or 3 kids in, they’re done with this now well-worn wife and need something different, newer, more exciting — with no responsibility.
I’m sick of women who see men lurking and invite their stares and attentions knowing full well they have husbands of their own.
I am disgusted by married people’s disregard for marriage. Forget the world or American culture or society’s ills, let’s just speak among our own. AT WHAT POINT DO WE PUT ON OUR BIG BOY SHORTS OR BIG GIRL PANTIES AND REALIZE THAT ANY RELATIONSHIP REQUIRES EFFORT — IT IS *NOT EVER* ALL ABOUT THE INDIVIDUAL.
Getting along with your parents? Has ALWAYS required effort.
Staying close (or on speaking terms) with your siblings? Has ALWAYS required effort.
Being friends with even your best friend? Has ALWAYS required effort.
STAYING IN FELLOWSHIP WITH THE GOD WHO LOVES YOU NO MATTER WHAT MORONIC THING YOU DO? Has ALWAYS required effort.
Effort is time you often can’t afford to spend. It is listening when you’d rather regale. It is holding your tongue so you can hold your loved one. It is saying, “It’s ok, I can do it another time” and MEANING IT. It is doing something more than is expected with a great attitude. It is seeing that person’s potential instead of their liability. It is sacrifice. It is sometimes painful. It is occasionally offensive.
It is always honor.
Please know that I write all this — the tantrum in its entirety — not as the one boasting in some cheesy, pride affected drawl, “Oh I just could NEVER do anything like that! I would NEVER hurt my husband! My marriage is the MOST IMPORTANT THING IN MY LIFE!”
No, see, I come from a broken home. And because I know that a broken home CAN be potentially functional, I have *always* operated with an “escape clause” — I have always known that if D ever up and left — or worse, and it is *hard* to admit this, if he ever ticked me off so bad that I up and left — what I would do, how I would manage, how I could provide, and how to raise my kids.
Isn’t that disgusting?
And it’s only been in the past few months that I have *really* seen the cost of that selfish attitude. No, I would never cheat on my husband — NEVER (first of all, I love Jesus; second, I was raised in the REAL South and that is plain tacky — honey, I DON’T DO plain tacky). But I have been willing to withhold part of myself, my so-called “self-preservation”, so that if “if” ever came, I wouldn’t be destroyed.
The problem is, when I built that wall of protection, the natural consequence was to keep D out. Maybe not all the way around my heart, but certainly part of it.
And ISN’T THAT WHAT ALL THE SICK MORONS I JUST RANTED ABOUT HAVE DONE, TOO???? Albeit, their walls might have been built big enough to encompass plain tacky behavior, or even shut their spouses out altogether, but the mortar in between the bricks? The attitude holding all that “protection” together?
Yeah… it’s all the same thing.
So, folks, I’m DONE. I’m done with the places in my own bad attitude that have kept my heart from Darren; I’m done with EVER entertaining the “if” I KNOW we can control; and frankly, I’m done turning away when I see things that bother me in other relationships. Didja just call her best friend? Does she know about that? Didja just say that about your husband? Couldja never say that in public again?
I may not be the Morality Police, but for once, could we all STAND UP and be the Marriage Police? We’re so adamant that it be “one man and one woman” and no one else can have it –
BUT THE WAY WE’VE BEEN HANDLING IT, CHURCH, DOES ANYONE ELSE REALLY WANT IT??????
Yeah… it’s a load of crap.
And I’m done.
Go0dnight!
