Originally posted August 8, 2006 on my first blog.

Dear LORD,

I know there will be a time when I miss this –

Peanut butter messes on my freshly cleaned table

Various shades of popsicle decorating t-shirts and play shorts

High-pitched laughter and stumbley bumbly running around and around and around the Buzz Lightyear tent

Squeals of delight over each tiny insect that presses itself to the kitchen window glass

 

– Yes, I will miss this.

 

But not today.  Today I’m tired.

 

Happy.  But tired.

 

Today, I’m fighting through my flesh to praise You for the fifteen toys I’ve bounced over to get to the couch now that they’re down for naps;

I’m fighting to praise You for their excitable little spirits that are alive and kicking today, knowing Daddy’s coming home, and fighting the aforementioned naptime

Lord, I’m fighting not to feel resentful because when Daddy’s on the road, I can’t sleep for fear.

 

And I know that’s not Your will.  Everything in me can recite the verses that tell me Your Truth:  perfect love (You) cast out fear; the one who fears is not perfected in love; You grant sleep to those whom You love, and I abide in the shadow of the Almighty; none can take us out of Your hand.

 

But there are lots of stories of things You have allowed; and I admit I’m scared of You sometimes.  I fear what You are capable of that I am patently not.

 

So, I stay up WAY too late, tossing and turning over the “what if’s” and wake up to the “what happened’s” strewn about my living room floor. 

 

Lord, I don’t know what the future holds; Father, I don’t even know what the rest of this day holds.  But I DO know that I don’t want to miss this – the table that’s never fully clean, but rather varying degrees of sticky, the ear-piercing excitement, the doubled loads of summer laundry, the sweet smiling lips surrounded by lunch and headed straight for me.

 

God, I DON’T want to miss this!

 

Because someday, I will.