Starting again

Over 20,000 miles of travel this year so far.

And it’s only January

God is doing AMAZING things in our lives, and we are VERY excited about them!

I — mistakenly — thought I was ready for them and the changes they require.  Um, no.  Not so much!  If there’s anything the adventures of the past few weeks have taught me, it’s that I am *not* where I need to be.   The biggest revelation was how very comfortable I had become where we are — the life we have, our house & cars & church & neighborhood, our circle of friends, everything.  Didn’t realize how “settled” I was until God began flinging open doors right and left.

Have you ever heard Nicole Sponberg’s song, “Resurrection”?

“I’m at a loss for words, there’s nothing to say
I sit in silence wondering what led me to this place
How did my heart become so lifeless and cold
Where did the passion go?

When all my efforts seem like chasing wind
I’ve used up all my strength and there’s nothing left to give
I’ve lost the feeling and I’m down to the core
I can’t fake it anymore.

Here I am at the end I’m in need of resurrection
Only You can take this empty shell and raise it from the dead
What I’ve lost to the world what seems far beyond redemption
You can take the pieces in Your hand and make me whole again, again

You speak and all creation falls to its knees
You raise Your hand and calm the waves of the raging sea
You have a way of turning winter to spring
Make something beautiful out of all this suffering

Here I am once again I’m in need of resurrection
Only You can take this empty shell and raise it from the dead
What I’ve lost to the world what seems far beyond redemption
You can take the pieces in Your hand and make me whole again, again

You have a way of turning winter to spring
Make something beautiful out of all this suffering”

This is how I started out my year, in DESPERATE need of resurrection.  Not since the night I became a believer have I been so acutely aware that there is no good in me on my own; I don’t need renewal or refreshment, I need Resurrection.

And He is faithful — and Good — that despite a TOTAL lack of deserving, He met me in my desperation and has begun breathing the Breath of Life into areas long dead.  For a huge example, I had traded in trust in Him for trust in fear: it was easier to say I believed Him and His purposes and then mentally “prepare” for the worst because surely, “the bottom’s gotta drop sometime”.  What a lie.

I’ve become really skittish even about writing lately (whether here or in my journal).  But no more.  He is doing a new thing — He, Whom my soul loves — is doing a BRAND NEW THING, and I don’t want to miss it.  Blogging is going to be part of it; I want to remember how He moves and all I learn of Him and I want to “recount to deeds of the LORD” with others who love Him too — and possibly some who don’t yet.   I don’t want to miss this.  I don’t want to miss Him.

Father God,

You ARE.  And we are humbled.  The God Who breathed creation, Who sustained life over thousands of years, even now reaches down into the mess of our humanity and speaks His Word again, fresh and new as it was the day it was penned.

Thank You that You ARE the Resurrection and the Life!  Thank You that in You all things move and hold together and have their being.  Thank You for holding me together when it feels like I’m falling apart.  Thank You for moving me — gently, urgently, patiently, immediately.  Thank You that my being — my true self — is in You, my life in Yours. You are meaning, but so very much more.

LORD, Thank You — THANK YOU — for Your forgiveness!  And thank You that You deliver me from my fears and from myself.  I can never deserve, You, O my King, but OH, how I love You!!!!!

Amen.